Friday, March 30, 2012

Fake breaking news: "Hunger Games" author lashes out at fans, asks for all-black cast in upcoming films

Outraged by racist comments fans made about black characters in the movie adaption of her “Hunger Games” bestseller, author Suzanne Collins on Tuesday asked filmmakers to replace all the white actors in the upcoming film trilogy with more black actors, “just to piss those jerks off.”

The film, based on Collins 2008 novel, opened over the weekend to rave reviews and windfall ticket sales, but also saw fans of the series apparently stunned that the black characters in the book were played by black actors.

When asked whether she was happy with the film’s success, Collins glumly said she was “bummed the fuck out that my readers are such a bunch of stupid racists.”

“Fuck it,” Collins continued. “Jennifer Lawrence is out. I want Angela Bassett to play Katniss Everdeen.”

Acclaimed actress and Academy Award winner Bassett, when reached by phone, said at 54 she’s about 40 years too old to play Katniss but added she wouldn’t turn down the role if offered to her.

“If they want to give me the role, I’ll kill it,” she said, lamenting the lack of quality work for black actresses in Hollywood. “I’m just as good an actor as those crinkly white men who keep getting work, like Nicholson and Hoffman and I look better too. But when was the last time you saw me in a starring role?”

Fan Madison Jameson, 13, found sulking outside the movie theater and tweeting about the movie, said she pictured the character named Rue, who befriends Katniss, to be blonde and look more like herself instead of the young African American actress who portrays Rue in the movie.

“It’s just that my mom always said I can have anything I want as long as I scream loud enough,” Madison said. “Plus there are no black people at my private school or in my neighborhood where we moved to. I think all the books and movies I like should be about ME.”

When asked if she thought she was being racist, Madison said no because “racism doesn’t exist anymore, my teacher said Oprah ended it.”

The interview was cut short when Collins suddenly burst from a bush she was hiding in and started whacking Madison over the head with the book, opened to the page where Rue is described as having “dark brown skin.”

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